Mashed, Stewed, Fried Brains

Okay, so I drop the f-bomb frequently in this post.  I try to refrain, but sometimes I feel like no one knows how upset I really am until I drop the bomb.  I’m quite distraught, and I am my daddy’s daughter.  (as much as sometimes I don’t want to admit that.)  We’re f-bomb droppers.

ANYWAY…

My thought process is totally mashed. (Maybe even puréed)  For the life of me I cannot keep a coherent thought on a coherent path.  The strings are getting themselves tangled and then suddenly… it totally disappears.  No fuckin’ trace left over. Not even those mangled little frayed ends.  NOTHING. 
(OMG I have to interrupt this rant to say that when Word underlined fuckin’ as spelt wrong, it’s suggestion to replace was firkin.  Maybe I should start saying firkin…)  

And then, oh and then, a new thought pops up like a stupid mole in that infuriating game found at Chuck-e-cheese.  Oh yeah, you know what I’m talking about.  The Whack-a-Mole.  Dirty little bastards.  Ffwhoop!  There he is *insane giggle* Ffwhoop!  Now he’s gone!!! Where did he go?  No one knows!!!  What the hell is going on here?!

I am totally mind-fucked here.  I’m not even sure why.  I am sure that it probably has something to do with 2008 being one of the worst FUCKING years of my life. 

Yes, yes, I know, you say it can’t be too bad because I’m in love with Joe.  Well sometimes love doesn’t fucking fix everything.  Am I wrong?  Does love pay your bills?  If it doesn’t, does love find you a better job that does pay your bills?  Does love make it okay that you can’t figure out how to get on the right track? 

Joe is a God-send.  I love him so much I can’t describe it.  But that does not fix my problems.  Joe has been helping me pay bills here and there considering it’s half his fault I was pregnant.  I feel sooooo bad, and I want to pay him back. 

I should be able to pay my bills.  I shouldn’t be driving 45 minutes one way just to work a few hours a day that equals a whole whopping 15-20 hours a week.  I put a few books and movies on Amazon in hopes to get rid of them and make a few bucks, but nothing has sold yet.  *shrugs*  I’m an affiliate here and there for this and that, but if no one reads my blog, then who is going to click on those links and go buy that product?  I love wordpress, but I can put pretty ads up or anything, just a random button or text links.  *sigh* I’d have to pay money to be able to do that, money I technically don’t have. 

I’m a candle consultant, but I’ve found very few people I know that want to have a show with me, and it seems everyone around the area I live already has one of the consultants in my region.  I’m not stealing anyone else’s thunder.  Bless her heart, my therapist just did a book show for me and that got me thirty dollars.  There are some really great products including spa stuff and lots of gift ideas under $20, but the idea is to HAVE a show so you can get what you want for free.  You invite a bunch of people over; they buy some stuff and book a show from you.  You get 20% of the sales from the show in credit.  The idea is to have as many people as possible there so they don’t feel obligated to buy a bunch of stuff for you to get your credit.  And then the consultant has more shows to do, and can find more people who want to be a consultant, because the company is always hiring.  Surprisingly the company is doing great despite the economy.  A lot of people are staying home more often, and realize they want to do something with their house, but they can’t afford to remodel, so they redecorate. 

You know that thing I talked about a few posts ago, where you click on a link in your friend’s blog, and a million link clicks later you have no idea where you came from in the first place?  I’ve been doing that again.  It frustrates me, because then I totally have to re-read my friend’s post.  *sigh*

NaNoWriMo is slowly coming along, I’ve got eight hundred and some odd words.  So far it’s a tale in the first person about a vampire.  I know, you can only say so much in eight hundred words.  It’s set before motorized vehicles, but I haven’t completely pegged down a date range.  I also haven’t set a location yet, I’m not sure it really matters.  She has a fairly American way of speaking, but there are some British words thrown in there I’m sure.  I think she speaks like I would if I were from that era.  If you haven’t heard of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) you should go visit www.nanowrimo.org and check it out. 

I have some mixed feelings about what’s been in my RSS feed lately, The Discomfort Zone and Ittybiz, The Fluent Self and Writer Dad… I have things I’d like to write about them, but the thoughts are too incoherent to even form full sentences.  All I know is no matter what, you can’t please everyone, and some people are going to get offended no matter how hard you try.  Don’t get too discouraged by it, and keep droppin’ the f-bomb if that is the only way to get your point across.