I am uber frustrated. It is hard for me to believe it’s just my hormones un-balanced.
Everything is fine with little Max. He’s in good, capable hands, and I couldn’t be happier with how that played out.
I’m really worried about Joe. He’s working four 12 hour shifts and one 7 hour shift each week. He said overtime is supposed to be slowing down soon. Then, on the 26th he leaves for California for two weeks.
He kinda reminds me of a little kid when he’s tired; hard to reason with and needs a good nap. When something makes him uncomfortable, he makes jokes. It’s hard to have a serious conversation with him.
I usually see him on either Friday night, or Saturday for a few hours during the day. We go out to dinner every so often, and we used to see a lot of movies together, but obviously we haven’t seen each other long enough to catch a movie lately.
This is very different for me, considering we used to work together and I’d see him every night after work before I went home, because he lives 15 minutes from his work. Before that, I lived with a boyfriend, sharing a bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m a dirty adulterer, whatever.
Sleepiness is making him even more unagreeable to talking seriously. Talking seriously is what my poor little unsure mind needs right now. I’d like to know wtf is going on and I’d like to know it now. What little I get out of him is he is unsure how he feels about whats going on right now, how he feels about us giving up our son. I understand partially, but part of me is thinking, you didn’t even see the baby and technically can’t form a relationship because there is no real solidity that the baby exists, just that I carried it for nine months. Part of my problem is I am not having separation issues, so I can’t understand why people who never saw the physical flesh can have problems with the baby going to good loving parents. Open-mindedness is escaping me at the time I need it most. *sigh*
