So I am less than a whole week away from my due date, and I feel like hell warmed over, sprinkled with shit. I am very very angry for quite a few different reasons, and it has nothing to do with hormones. I’m sorry if I’m not posting anything productive, I just don’t effin feel like it. Sorry. I feel like nothing at this sad sorry little point in my life is productive. Everything is counter-productive right now, including going to work. I’m driving 45 minutes one way to work 4 or 5 hours and then turn around and drive home. Not only should I probably not be in the car that long, I don’t think the company can even afford having me around right now. Right after school started it got really slow. Even regular pay days for the state and temp agencies suddenly dropped off to next to nothing.
One of my friends was going to have a candle show, like back in August, then she moved it to September, and then she suddenly decided I was in no shape to host a show, even though we’d seen each other once since July. Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I’m fucking handicapped. I was kind of hoping she’d have the show so not only would I have some sales, I’d get some new contacts because my family doesn’t seem to support quality candles and spa products. When I started this little “biz” I was supposed to announce a grand opening show and host it myself with the help of my leader. That was a flop. Then I tried to coerce/beg/bribe family members to have shows. None of them would. How do I know almost no one who burns candles? Fortunately my shrink had a PL piece in her office, and I spotted it and we talked a bit about PL and she wanted some candles and knew a few people who wanted some too. Mind you shrinks are a little busy to be hosting shows, so she agreed to collect a few orders and we’d call it a book show. The company hates book shows, but if these people are too busy, then they are too busy.
**I’m calling it PL because I’m sure the company would be upset if I used their name in this post, especially because I’m ranting about my lack of sales. I know many successful people at it, I’m just lost because I didn’t get the start I was supposed to. And hey, I know it’s my fault. I didn’t ask for help when I needed it. That is one of those tragic flaws inadvertently pounded into my brain by a parent because they have the same problem and I am just too overwhelmed/lazy to fix it**
Totally got distracted for a while… I’m working in my “birth plan” I’ll try to post something productive a little later today.
